


I Died With You

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s13e06 Tombstone, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Requited Unrequited Love, Sam Ships It, Season/Series 13 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-02-17 17:05:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13081365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: "Having Cas back was the win that Dean needed, but he couldn't seem to forget how it felt to lose him."





	I Died With You

**Author's Note:**

> S13 has been absolutely wonderful in so many different ways but i decided to tweak a few things for 13x06 so here we go.

_Everything was dead silent in that moment and nothing seemed to exist for Dean as he knelt down beside Cas'  dead body._

_There was no dealing with the Lucifer baby situation or running back into the house with Sam because he was too damn broken to move. All of it went down so quickly and just when he thought they'd be okay, that they'd pulled through - they didn't. In a handful of minutes he lost Cas and then mom because she decided to be bold and take a shot at Lucifer.  
_

 

 

_What the hell was he going to do now? They didn't even have Crowley or Rowena anymore.  The whole damn thing was a mess and the pain of losing Cas specifically felt like a river beginning to flood in Dean's chest.  Dean wasn't stupid enough to believe that he would ever really be happy but dammit he thought - he thought a lot of things.  All the years he'd spent keeping everything inside when it came to how he felt for Cas didn't make a difference now. His dorky feathered best friend wasn't coming back. There would be no ever having a semi normal apple pie life because the only person he pictured that with was dead._

_And one of the worst parts about it was their bond would always be there. Cas would always be the one who raised him from perdition, he would always be the one who saved him time and time again. He would never know how it felt to watch Lucifer drive that angel blade into his chest._

 

_Dean tried to just focus on the loss itself and not the full reason of why it hurt so badly in that moment and after it. Sure, Cas was his best friend and apart of the family but as he stared up at the onyx colored sky he felt..more empty. A piece of him was carved out the second that Cas collapsed to the ground. What he wanted to do was call out to Chuck and ask for yet another favor. But all he could do was look down at the body of the guy he had feelings for and think of all the times he never got to admit to that.  
_

 

 

_He'd lost so many people that it was just normal but watching Cas die made Dean come to the conclusion that he died with him. Even though he was still alive he felt more dead that he ever had in his entire life._

 

 

_When Dean finally gained the courage to get up he retreated into the house to check to see what happened. For now they had a lot of other pressing matters on their hands other than the obvious.  
_

* * *

 

 The air was cool against Dean's skin and it felt like he was frozen in place staring at Cas. How in the hell was in possible that he was alive? There was no fucking way.

 

 

"Cas, is that really you?" Dean asked despite how shocked he still was. While he could still hear Sam's shocked response - he was too focused on Cas.

 

 

"Yeah, I was but then I annoyed an ancient cosmic being so much that he sent me back." Cas responded back.

 

 

While Sam didn't know what to say, Dean knew the one thing he had the courage to say in the moment.

 

 

"I do." Dean stepped closer towards the angel. "Welcome home pal."

 

 

As he wrapped his arms around Cas he felt the calmest he had for the past while. Dean's facial expression changed briefly, but he knew Cas couldn't see him anyways. This was one of those moments he'd replay over and over. Just to confirm that it was real.

 

  
After Sam got his hug in they stood there looking at each other like nothing had changed. The only issue there was that so much had.

 

  
"How long was I gone?" Cas asked in an almost nervous manner.

 

 

"Too damn long." Dean quickly responded back, on the inside he was breaking down because he went from hopelessness to this. Having Cas back was the win that Dean needed, but he couldn't seem to forget how it felt to lose him.

 

* * *

 

Arriving at the motel was an..interesting experience in Sam's opinion. He was aware of how much Dean loved cowboy's so the room nor the motel came as a surprise. It was how Dean's emotional state changed so drastically.

 

 

Ever since the night that Jack was born he was so disconnected and from what Sam saw, he was empty. So to see Dean go from being scattered emotionally to being ecstatic was relieving.

 

 

"I can't believe you brought your own hat." Sam said in a sort of teasing tone.

 

 

"I can't believe you didn't." Dean retorted.

 

 

Sam put some of his clothes up in the closet, "You're in a good mood, huh?"

 

 

That was a complete understatement given what Dean was like before Cas got back. Sam had been scared about how Dean would have recovered. They had been through a lot over the years but losing Cas and mom in one night was too much.

 

  
"Yeah? And?"

 

  
"Nothin'..no I just uh - you've been having a rough go so it's good to see you smile." Sam stated, he was confident that Dean didn't know what he was meaning. Not that he was all the way certain about it but there was something Dean was hiding.

 

  
"Well I said I needed a big win - we got Cas back. That's a pretty damn big win."

 

  
"Yeah." Sam tilted his head. "Fair enough."

 

  
"What do you mean by that?" Dean implored with a bit of a nervous laugh.

 

  
Sam still had his back turned so he let himself smile a little. "Oh, it's nothing just don't worry about it."

 

  
"C'mon Sammy you can tell me whatever it is. What did you mean by that?"

 

  
Now he was really trying not to laugh because Dean was really wanting to know. Sam has never really been oblivious. There has and always will be an extreme difference between his relationship with Cas compared to Dean's. As if all those years of him being in the middle of their staring moments wasn't obvious enough.

 

 

He just didn't want to jump the gun and ask flat out if Dean had feelings for Cas. So he went for the easy route and pretended he wasn't thinking that.

 

  
"It's just like I said you were having a rough go of it and now you're mostly fine. Actually you're doing the best I've seen in a long time." Sam gave Dean a brief smirk before closing the closet door.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

While Sam and Dean got their much needed sleep in their very western room, Cas sat down with Jack. He never thought he'd get a chance to do so. Jack had a soft demeanor and was very much Kelly it terms of his personality. It saddened Cas to think but he just knew that Kelly would be very proud of the boy.

 

 

Being back in the world again felt relatively the same but there were things he'd faced in the Empty that bothered him. His feelings for Dean weren't new information because they'd been there for years. The reason that Cas never bothered to express such things was out of fear. He was a celestial being who had seen everything and been through horrible occurrences. Yet he was scared to speak about his feelings for Dean Winchester.

 

 

Cas listened attentively to Jack explain how angels tried to kill him, how he thought angels were good. "Well in heaven good's a relative term."

 

 

"What's it like? Heaven?" Jack asked him.

 

 

Cas looked away for a moment to contemplate if he wanted to get into it but settled on a simple answer. " Uh.. that depends."

 

 

"But it's nice?"

 

 

"It can be."

 

 

"That's good. My mother's in heaven." Jack stated almost in a way that was meant to be a question. At least to Cas that's what it seemed like.

 

 

"Yeah I know she is. Kelly was- she was a very brave woman." Cas said with a faint smile on his face.

 

 

"She left me a message. She said I had an angel watching over me."

 

 

  
"Oh Jack, I'm so sorry..I-I shoulda been here for you."

 

 

  
"No it's okay. It's just -" Jack paused for a moment. "..I understand why she trusted you. Why I trusted you."

 

 

  
"Do you remember that?" Cas hated that he hadn't been there to protect Jack like he'd promised. Though he was grateful that Dean and Sam didn't write him right off.

 

 

  
"I remember feeling..safe."

 

 

  
"Jack - your mother believed that you would do amazing things. She said that you would change the world for the better. And now - looking at you - talking to you - I know that she was right, that we were right. Kelly would be so proud of you."

 

 

  
Suddenly the computer beeped and some information popped up on the website Jack was on. It showed information that was clearly related to the case they were on. And sure enough Jack was getting up and saying that he would go tell Sam and Dean.

 

 

"Jack! Jack!" Cas tried to warn him but the boy stormed into where Sam and Dean were sleeping. Before he knew it Jack was poking Dean to wake him up which caused Dean to wake up with his gun pointed.

 

 

  
"No no, Dean it's me, it's me." Jack insisted.

 

 

  
"Who's making me coffee?"

 

 

  
Cas saw that Jack seemed to be looking over at him like he didn't know what to do. And Cas knew all too well about this scenario because he'd woken Dean up so much over the years.

 

He really was back at home - where he belonged.

 

* * *

 

 Dean parked Baby in the middle of the road so he could give Cas a small run down about what to expect. "Okay, these Dodge City cops aren't likely to trust big city folks so we're gonna have to blend."

 

 

"Which is why you're making me wear this absurd hat." Cas mentioned with a slight grimace.

 

 

  
"It's not that bad." Dean looked over at Cas who was giving him pleading eyes that he wished meant something else entirely. "Actually yeah it kinda is, hang on."

 

 

Dean removed the red "Stampede" band that was surrounding the base of hat. "Alright, that's better."

 

 

  
"Is it?" Cas asked before looking in the mirror to examine it himself.

 

 

  
A lot of the time when Cas would do the most basic thing, Dean would get flustered. Whether it was him staring at him (which granted he found it strange before) or doing that head tilt. Dean wanted so damn badly to say what he felt but was it possible for an angel and human to be together? That type of relationship never ended well (i.e. what happened with Lily Sunder.) And there were still dick angels out there that wanted to rain on someone's parade.

 

 

 

Plus the majority of Cas' other family hated him so there was that.

 

 

  
"Yeah, look just act like you're from Tombstone..okay?"

 

 

"The city"

 

 

So damn clueless, Dean thought quietly.

 

 

"The movie, with Kurt Russell. I made you watch it." Dean tried extremely hard not to roll his eyes because how could Cas forget?

 

 

  
"Yeah yeah yeah, the one with um guns and tuberculosis. I'm your Huckleberry." Cas turned over to look at him with a serious face.

 

 

  
Dean felt himself get a bit hot hearing Cas talk in that tone of voice. He really fucking hoped that Cas couldn't feel him right now. "Yeah, exactly. It's good to have you back, Cas."

 

 

As soon as he forced himself to look Cas it was like being sucked in all over again. They had a case to work and he was so fixated on Cas and the fucking cowboy shit. Dean had zero clue what came over him but he started to lean towards Cas.

 

 

Everything in his body was saying that he should go for it and that Cas wouldn't mind it. At the last second when noticed the angel was looking at him peculiarly he snapped out of it. Dean had to get it together or they'd never get a damn thing done. Plus he would look stupid if Cas ended up rejecting him.

 

 

  
"Alright follow my lead. We'll fit right in."

**Author's Note:**

> follow my side blog : deans-bi-flannel


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